Help!

 After a super-quick oil change on the Lagonda we were ready to leave. Oh no — Paddy had gone cycling. He’d hired the bike yesterday and the shop didn’t open for returns before 10:00 🙄

So, what were we to do? Two of us broke ranks. We reasoned that having the guides in a modern vehicle was plenty of support for following Ham. After all, driving all the way to Singapore at 30 mph is a torture not everyone needs to endure every day. Nigel selected an excellent route through the mountains and, like schoolchildren playing hooky, we naughtily slid away. Teacher’s pet Chris opted to stay with the injured party and the guides on a more direct road.

Our route took us through beautiful countryside and charming villages — a bucolic scene with a Thai twist. Soon though, the road started to break up: potholes again! Then dirt track! Then, on retracing our steps to find another way through, we came across a bridge that was no longer a bridge, just pieces of concrete strewn across the river. There was no signal to speak of, so re-routing was by dead reckoning only.

Ping. My phone vibrated.

A message from the guides requesting immediate assistance. Well that’s blown it, we thought. Caught as common truants shirking our responsibilities. Obviously Ham had broken down beyond repair and was probably arranging a truck of shame, whilst Paddy had already booked a flight out. We decided we had to go back to the beginning and deliver whatever rescue was needed.

Ping. Phone vibrates again.

Another message from the guides: please send the location of Ham — they’d lost him! Ha! Is that all? A simple case of babysitter misplacing the baby. Worse things have happened. By now we could see Ham on Find My Friends, bowling along quite merrily, it seemed, with Chris in close support.

We repaired to a beach-side café for lunch of steamed sea bass and stir-fried veg. Champion meal.

Our hotel tonight is lovely but strange. Dinner closes at 6 p.m. Breakfast is a set menu and needs to be ordered now. Booking.com let me down and booked one room too few (my bad for not checking, but really), so Nigel and daughter Zara are sharing. Nellie and I got locked out of our room while using the private swimming pool and had to be rescued by Chris — just as well I had a dressing gown.